Okay, so I guess we’d better check in with Karen, sad-little-half-empty-bag-of-dried-out-baby-carrots-that-are-technically-still-edible-and-there’s-no-other-food-in-the-fridge Karen, who is not quite sure she can face the terrible emotional tribulation of attending the opening night of a show that she quit, and I repeat, was not fired from, but quit, entirely of her own free will, and which is now being pitched by the Arts and Leisure as in direct — and unfavorable — competition with your own. For the millionth, billionth, perhaps trillionth time, fuck off, Karen. You don’t get to be the queen of everything; only Elizabeth II does. (BTW, happy birthday, Your Madge! Do you ever think about how you’re only one away from Hitler?) Thankfully, though, everybody seems to be getting hip to Karen’s endless sense of entitled victimhood, and Jimmy takes advantage of her increasing alienation by saying, Hey, why don’t we go to opening night together, and I’m on your side, and being generally sweet and charming in a way that frankly, alarms me. Grooming, I think they call it.
What does Kyle Goblinweed think? Kyle Goblinweed? Kyle Goblinweed thinks … Derek is right! Master has presented Kyle with clothes!!! Kyle is a free elf! (At least, until Jimmy strips him in the night, douses him with kerosene, and sets him on fire.) “YOU FAGGOT!!!!” Jimmy screams. “YOU INCREDIBLE TREACHEROUS FUCKFROG!!!! You’re just jealous of what Karen and I have, even though I won’t tell her my real name, or why I don’t have a social security number!!!” “It’s true,” Derek says. “To be fair, Jimmy Collins sounds made-up, like he’s some child star from the 1930s whose real name is like, Elwood Yablonsky Jr., but no social security number? That’s kind of fucked up.” And then Karen tells him he’s a jealous old man, and he’s only giving Midriff Karen’s songs because Karen wouldn’t sleep with him, and Midriff is like, “Excuse me, bitch? Because all that time I was working my ass off in conservatory I was dreaming of the day I could play the slutty, wisecracking maidservant to animate globs of moisturizer?” Midriff, congratulations, you have become my favorite character. And that’s that!